hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The best revenge is premature balding
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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