My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
