I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
