dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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