I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
where am i from again
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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