He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
