I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
