wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
