what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
