I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
