# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
