I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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