You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
