I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
