I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
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We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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