how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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