finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
