apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
