So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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