why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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