Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
