Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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