ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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