Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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