I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
