If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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