good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think your dad took our porno
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
