Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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