TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
