Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
