so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
