last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize