My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
