dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
