You smell like stripper and shame
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
