mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
