You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
