Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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