don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
