dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
