I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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