Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
