Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its not stalking. its research.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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