my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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