mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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