Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
