Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
