There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
