we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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