everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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