Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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