well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
two words...techno handjob
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
