Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
