I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
