plz talk dirty to me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
