everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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