My friends, they love my intelligence
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Nicole vs. Life
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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