We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
