phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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