I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
