Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
