I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
