He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
