woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
