I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
