i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
