Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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