Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize