I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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