i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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