my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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