Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
