I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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