my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
