Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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