It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
